Action Comics #393

TITLE: Action Comics #393

PUBLISHER: DC Comics

COVER DATE: October 1970

COVER PRICE: $0.15

22 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

Its actually been a long time since I've read this issue, so I can't tell you too much about it from just my memory. Looking at the cover, I'm sure there's some horribly contrived situation involving Superman and the parachuting Houdini that involves some overly complicated switcheroo that was commonplace during this time period. We'll get to the nuts and bolts of the story in a bit, but there's actually something else about this issue that makes it stand out (at least to me).

This very issue of Action Comics is the one that was on the stands when I was born! Now I'm no fool, and I'm sure that bit of information is entertaining for one or two people tops (and I don't even know if my mom reads my blog), but what is fun is checking out the books from your own birthday. Thanks to Mike's Amazing World of DC and his Time Machine, it's as easy as clicking a couple of links.

So while you go check that out, I'm going to get on with seeing whether or not Superman can save that little boy's father. Just promise to come back here after checking out your own birthday.

Superman Meets Super-Houdini!

• Writer: Leo Dorfman
• Penciller: Curt Swan
• Inker: Murphy Anderson

High up in the sky, the citizens of Metropolis are being treated by a show of super-human proportions. No, it's not Superman...been there, done that. This time it's Hairbreadth Holahan doing a promotional stunt for his upcoming performance.

With his son working the crowd down below, Holahan struggles to break free from his chains so he can pull his chute before he hits the ground. But seriously, this is Metropolis and Superman is bound to show up to make sure that no one goes splat.

Fortunately for Superman, the only thing going splat is his sense of being needed as old Hairbreadth has made good his escape at the last instant. Back on terra firma the Holahans finish their promotional pitch, managing to get an invite from Superman himself to appear at the Metropolis Museum Fundraiser that he's hosting next week.

So was Superman really in awe of their abilities? Did they really manage to pull one over on him? Naaahhh, as a quick look with the old x-ray vision revealed their secrets.

Hey! Watch where you're pointing those x-rays, Superman!

Little does Holahan know, however, that his performance also caught the attention of the local crime syndicate in Metropolis. These guys are nothing if not thorough with their bureaucratic paperwork. Something looks familiar about this Holahan guy and a quick check of their files reveals that he's actually Mace Larkin, an escaped con who forged a new identity as an escape artist in an attempt to turn over a new leaf. They soon pay him a visit backstage at the fund raiser and coerce him into helping them break their boss out of prison, or else they tell Superman the truth about his past life.

Holahan reluctantly agrees, and the show continues with Superman using his heat vision to seal him inside a medieval suit of armor. No one could ever possibly defeat Superman's heat vision, right?

Wrong! It's only moments later that Holahan emerges from behind a curtain, free of the armor. The celebrations are short lived, as an alarm rings out through the museum as someone has stolen the Star of Asia Diamond that is also on display. Superman theorizes that it must have been Holahan who swiped it during his escape, and he soon finds out the truth...Hairbreadth Holahan is none other than escaped convict Mace Larkin!

Now inside a prison cell, Larkin is soon up to his old tricks as he's already working on way to bust out. Pulling a fake tooth from his mouth, he reveals it's actually a capsule containing a cyrogenic hyper-chemical which he uses to freeze the bars and make them brittle enough to shatter.

Taking Stoney Croy with him, the mob boss he's here to break out, they take to the sewers and are soon on their way to the old mob hideout.

I love the fact that Metropolis gangsters are a bunch of sentimental fools at heart!

Unfortunately for the assembled gangsters, the celebration is short lived as Superman reveals that Mace Larkin is actually Superman in a rubber mask!

Yes, that's right! It's all been an elaborate scheme of cross and double-cross as Larkin went right to Superman after being found out by the gangsters originally. They then worked up this plan to catch the gangsters at their own hideout! For his part in helping catch some of Metropolis' most wanted, Larkin is granted a full pardon for his past crimes, ready to resume his life as a reformed criminal.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

Aside from the obvious lesson about redemption, we also got treated to a look at exactly how the switcheroo went down earlier in the issue. The experienced Silver Age readers out there probably caught this, but here's a peek behind the scenes for the sake of everyone else.

You can scroll back up and scope out the original panel of "Superman" sealing "Larkin" inside the armor to see how it played out at the time. Here's a free tip for you, it's always a good idea to pay close attention to the perspective of the action when you know something fishy is going on.

Now if that wasn't enough Superman action for you, we're treated to another story in this issue. It's a short little morality play concerning social justice and disparity, and it's so over the top and melodramatic that it needs its own post to truly do it justice. Come back tomorrow for "The Day Superboy Became Superman!"

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Related links for your surfing pleasure...

• If you're into this whole podcasting thing, give Superman in the Bronze Age a listen. It's a relatively new podcast, but the first episode featured an in depth look at this very issue.
• Be sure to click over here for the second tale from this issue featuring Superboy.

Action Comics - Lightning Round Style

We started reading all 80 pages of the 50th Anniversary Issue celebrating Superman's first appearance in Action Comics earlier, but now let's finish this big issue out lightning round style.

The first story dealt with Superman teaming up with Wonder Woman to take down Darkseid, while the rest of the stories have a decidedly less cosmic flavor to them. They also help to round out Superman's supporting cast with stories focusing on Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Lex Luthor. Oh, and Man-Bat.

Man-Bat? I guess nothing screams "600 issues of Superman in Action Comics" like a Man-Bat story. That's the last one up however, so in the meantime let's start it up with Lois Lane.

no title given

• Plot: John Byrne
• Script: Roger Stern
• Pencils: Kurt Schaffenberger
• Inks: Jerry Ordway
• Letters: Bill Oakley
• Colors: Petra Scotese

While investigating a story on an escaped mob boss returning to Metropolis, Lois gets in over her head. She relies on a self-defense technique taught to her by whom...

• Her father, General Sam Lane
• A Las Vegas chorus girl
• Superman himself

It's best not to go with the obvious on this one, as the correct answer is the Las Vegas chorus-line girl.

No worries though, as her chorus girl kick does the trick and the mobster is soon back in police custody as Lois heads back to the Daily Planet to file her story. When she arrives, she's in for a shocker as the front page has already been taken by the love story of the century...Superman and Wonder Woman!

It seems a paper in Boston has got quite the scoop about their budding relationship, leaving the Daily Planet with a little bit of egg on it's face by being out-scooped in its own hometown. Lois takes it hard, but Clark assures her that the original story is not based on fact.

So what does our hard-nosed reporter due next?

• Wallows in self-pity while she walks home
• Heads out to get the real story about this "Super-Romance Of The Century"
• She throws herself out of the window of the Daily Planet in a bid to have Superman rescue her so she can confront him

Hopefully you're starting to sense a pattern here, as the answer is not the obvious one.

As she walks back to her apartment, she takes the long way home and bemoans her misfortune of being just a plain human. How is she supposed to win Superman's heart when she's up against Wonder Woman?

When she finally gets to her apartment, Lois is soon surprised by a knock on the door. Who comes to see her?

• Superman, holding a dozen roses, who then escorts her to the Fortress Of Solitude on an official date
• Clark Kent, who soon ditches her when an emergency arises and Superman is needed
• Lex Luthor, looking for a little rebound action booty-call

Alas, for poor Lois it was Clark. He had the best of intentions, arriving with a friendly shoulder for Lois to cry on, but when Superman is needed, sacrifices must be made.

Games People Play

• Story: John Byrne
• Pencils: Dick Giordano
• Inks: John Beatty
• Coloring: Tom Ziuko
• Lettering: Albert DeGuzman

It's another average day for Lex Luthor, power-broker of Metropolis and thorn in Superman's side. Who does he summon to his office to confront about their treatment of him?

• Jimmy Olsen, about his camera constantly flashing in his face
• Lois Lane, about her constant investigative reporting into his business activities
• Maggie Sawyer, about the constant trail that the S.C.U. have on Luthor and his people

Yeah, it would appear that the S.C.U. are getting too good at their job and are getting a little too close for Lex's liking.

Luckily for Lex, Maggie has a little secret that is ripe for the blackmailing. What is it?

• She's secretly the Alpha Centurion
• She's a lesbian
• She likes to smoke a little something else in her cigarette holder every once in a while

This was the late 80's, and unfortunately for Captain Sawyer, being a woman in her position of power could easily have been brought low if it became common knowledge that she was in fact a lesbian.

Lex calls in his secretary to add an exclamation point to his accusations, so to speak, but Maggie ain't taking the bait. At the very least, it gives Dick Giordano a chance to give us a little eye candy.

Maggie didn't get to where she was by accident however, and she calls his bluff and tells Luthor to go ahead and expose her secret as she won't be intimidated by anyone. Luthor, not used to being talked back to, does something out of frustration that ends up putting him in the Lex Corp infirmary. What was it?

• He kicks his desk, which was previously lined with lead to prevent Superman's prying eyes
• He shoves Maggie and her pointy cigarette holder hits him in the eye
• He bangs his fist on this desk, exposing the fact that the kryptonite ring he wears has been poisoning him

Yes, this is the issue where we find out that the ring the Lex wore to keep Superman at bay would soon go on to cause him all sorts of problems.

One of the biggest problems would be for us, the readers, as it would usher in the introduction of the long-haired, hipster Lex of the early 90's.

A Friend In Need

• Plot: John Byrne
• Script: Roger Stern
• Pencils: Curt Swan
• Inks: Murphy Anderson
• Letters: Albert DeGuzman
• Colors: Tom Ziuko

While investigating a story, Jimmy Olsen uses his signal watch to alert Superman of what impending disaster.

• A toxic waste spill
• A chemical fire
• A broken down truck

A trick question, as the answer is all of the above.

All of this is kids play for Superman though, and he soon has everything under control. Instead of basking in the glory of another job well done, Superman collapses and can barely speak long enough to ask for Jimmy's help.

Suspecting some sort of kryptonite poisoning, what does Jimmy do?

• Uses a forklift truck to lift Superman and drive him to some underground caves
• Uses a crane to lift Superman to the local lead smelting plant to encase him in lead
• Raids the general store for all of the Reynolds Wrap, and wraps Superman in it

Yes, the fast thinking Jimmy borrows a fork-lift truck from a local warehouse to drive Superman underground.

Luckily for Superman, the local caverns have a high lead ratio and Superman hopes that that will be enough to shield him from the kryptonite poisoning.

Now those of you up on your Superman knowledge know that at this time there was very little kryptonite around. So what's with the sudden onset of kryptonite poisoning?

• The truck that caught fire was filled with synthetic kryptonite, of which Superman caught a lungful of
• Unbeknown to Superman, Metallo was driving the tanker that caught fire
• It was radiation from the explosion of Kryptonite that finally reached the earth after traveling at the speed of light all these years

It's all about the science, as Superman has calculated that with thee distance between Krytpon and Earth, it would be just about now that the radiation would start to hit us. You think that if he would've known about it, that he would've been a little better prepared.

Oh well, whatever doesn't kill us just makes us stronger, right Superman?

Uh oh, it looks like Superman is still feeling a little under the weather.

So just who does Jimmy go to for help now? You'll just have to tune in next time to find out.

That's right, there's still one more story to go, but its late and I'm going to bed. Come back soon for "The Dark Where Madness Lies".

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Superman #356

TITLE: Superman #356

PUBLISHER: DC

COVER DATE: February 1981

COVER PRICE: $0.50

25 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

So I'm on a plane back from Chicago after attending Wizard World there some twelve or thirteen years ago, and I'm looking through a stack of Superman back issues that I brought with me on the plane, when one particular cover caught my eye.

Seriously...how could you not see that cover and wonder just what the hell is up with this guy?

It was a fun enough story, and the fascination with Vartox continued apace once I discovered that he actually had other appearances after this one. There's only about a dozen or so, which in all honesty is about 10 more than is probably needed. I kept waiting for someone to realize just how ridiculous that costume was and give him some new duds, but it never happened. The thigh-high boots, yellow striped briefs, and bare-chested vest were here to stay.

Vartox is one of those characters that you like despite themselves. I'm thrilled that Palmiotti, Gray, and Conner where able to find the perfect way to bring this character into the post-crisis world. And before you tell me, I know that he has made an appearance or two since COIE, but he lost a little in translation in trying to make him a serious character. They updated his costume and motivation, but once you take the bare-chested, obnoxiuos blowhard attitude away, he's just another generic alien.

At this point, I've probably shared too much about my fascination with this character, so let's just read the story and move on...

Battle of the Super-Hyper Powers!

• Writer: Cary Bates
• Penciller: Curt Swan
• Inker: Frank Chiaramonte
• Letterer: Ben Oda
• Colorist: Adrienne Roy
• Editor: Julius Schwartz

The story opens up on idyllic Mammoth Mountain, a ski resort popular with the residents of Metropolis. Three such Metropolitans are Clark, Lana, and Steve Lombard as they are spending a relaxing weekend away from the hustle and bustle of the city. Well, two people are relaxing. Clark is playing the bumbling introvert that was required to protect his identity back in the day.

It doesn't take long, however, for the Steve to be obnoxious and inadvertently send Clark careening down the mountainside. Still acting the bumbling oaf, Clark feigns helplessness as he continues to ski down the slope.

Naturally, of course, since this is a pre-crisis Superman book there are a couple of things that happen just in the time to save Superman's secret identity. Not only is there an air force jet careening out of control over the mountain, but also a mysterious figure that flies past in super-speed.

The pilot manages to regain control of his jet, but not before he creates a sonic boom that starts an avalanche on the very mountain that Clark is skiing down! He uses his super-breath to blow Steve out of harm's way before being enveloped by the snow. All is not lost, however, as he just used that opportunity to change into Superman without being seen.

Although if protecting your identity was a big concern you'd probably not want to come bursting through the snow wearing Clark's skis, right?

One dose of heat vision later, and Superman has turned the onslaught of snow into a cloud of steam. The day is saved, but not everything is okay, for in all of the commotion Lana has disappeared!

It doesn't take long for Lana to return however, as she was whisked away by our mysterious flying figure from earlier who just happens to be Vartox! The last time he had visited our planet, they had started a brief relationship only to have Vartox leave for space to find his destiny among the stars in search of a planet to protect as honorably as Superman defends Earth.

He has returned on this day to say a final, tearful goodbye to Lana as he has found an adoptive planet to protect and call his own, but as they need his talents full time, he won't be able to come back again.

If only this was real life, that would be the end of the story and Lana would be left to nurse an intergalactic broken heart. Thankfully for us, as I mentioned earlier, this is a pre-crisis Superman story so you know the story doesn't end there.

For while Vartox was saying his goodbyes to Lana, his eyes were secretly sending out Hyper-Beams to Clark in a pulsing, mathematical code that explained the true nature of his visit to Earth.

Lana must really be distraught to not notice that while Vartox is saying his final goodbyes to her, he can't keep his eyes off of Clark. That seems like a red flag raiser to me.

So what's the real story? It turns out that the planet that Vartox has adopted and sworn to protect, Tynola, has been using him as a pawn by manufacturing all of the disasters that Vartox has been so busy protecting them from. He created this ruse of saying goodbye to Earth one last time so that he will be able to secretly transmit a message of help to Superman without raising any undo suspicion in the Tynolians.

So off to Tynola Superman goes to play the part of a marauding super-powered being that Vartox will be able to subdue. That way, Superman will be able to help Vartox find out what's going on with the Tynolians from inside their own society.

As the cover promised, it's a battle of Super-Powers vs. Hyper-Powers. So what exactly are Hyper-Powers? Who knows, but they are vague enough to let the writers do whatever they feel like doing. In fact, it's this very situation that occurs that allows Vartox to take down Superman once and for all.

Using a never revealed aspect of his Hyper-Powers, Vartox is able to convert his body into pure Hyper-Energy to produce a power charge potent enough to take down Superman. Now unconscious, Superman is carried off to a prison cell and everything is working according to Vartox's plan. Just how overly-convoluted that plan actually was, you'll just have to wait until the next issue pops up to find out.

Before this issue ends, however, we get a glimpse as to what the Tynolians are up to in luring Vartox to their planet.

Hey look, kids! It's Galactus from the Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer movie!

It turns out that he was indeed a pawn, one that is going to be sacrificed to the magnificent and wondrous Moxumbra!

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

What we have here is a pretty typical and textbook Superman story. They have a little fun with his secret identity, explore an overly dramatic love triangle, alien planets, misunderstandings, etc...

You know the drill by now, you either love this stuff or you just don't get it.

Me? I love this stuff and could read 'em all day long.

For those of you similarly afflicted like me, there's more good news. We're not quite done yet. There's a Fabulous World of Krypton back-up co-feature in this issue, so check back tomorrow for a tale of betrayal in ancient Krypton.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Action Comics #510

TITLE: Action Comics #510

PUBLISHER: DC

COVER DATE: August 1980

COVER PRICE: $0.40

17 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

This book came out a good five years before I started reading comics full time, so to say that I don't remember much is a bit of an understatement. Even when I started reading and collecting, I wasn't a Superman fan until the Death of Superman mega story in 1992. It wasn't until about eight years later, after I found myself still reading all of his monthly titles, that I made the decision to focus most of my back-issue collecting in amassing as many Superman books as I could.

The easiest runs to complete were the 80's stuff, and this book was in that initial run of holes plugged up. I actually haven't gotten around to reading many of the books from this time period, as I first turned my attention to the Byrne era and then to the bronze age books, which I've found are the Superman books I enjoy the most.

So long story short...I haven't read this particular issue yet and I don't really have a good idea of what to expect. Although I suppose that the fact that I have no initial impression of this era of Superman books tells me all I really need to know about what's in store for us.

Luthor's Last Stand!

• Writer: Cary Bates
• Penciller: Curt Swan
• Inker: Frank Chiaramonte
• Letterer: Ben Oda
• Colorist: Gene D'Angelo
• Editor: Julius Schwartz

It's Monday morning rush hour in the heart of Metropolis' financial district. Where normally there should be a bustle of activity, there is only silence.

Luckily for us, Lana Lang is on the scene reporting the bizarre occurrence and filling us in on the details in the process.

It would seem that Lex Luthor had telephoned the mayor to announce that he is going to destroy the financial district of Metropolis, thus beginning the great stock market "crash of '80". Since this is Metropolis, however, Superman is on the scene restlessly scanning for any signs of trouble in the deserted city.

The silence is soon shattered as an egg-shaped device bursts from beneath the street, giving off deadly vibration waves that are causing the buildings in the area to collapse. Who knew that Luthor was into puns, as the "crash" was to be taken literally and was designed with the sole purpose to distract Superman so Lex could take him out with his "ultimate" weapon.

Everything was going perfectly, until something happened that Lex's mega-computer didn't account for in it's calculations. It would appear that there was someone alive in the rubble who hadn't evacuated with the rest of the city. While rescuing her, Superman has left himself wide open to be struck down by Luthor's weapon.

While lining his shot up, Lex catches a glimpse of the recently rescued damsel in the scope of his weapon and has a change of heart. He just can't bring himself to pull the trigger! Could our little Lexy be falling in love? Could he finally be turning over a new leaf, empowered by the love of a beautiful woman?

Lex decides to let Superman and the woman go without firing his weapon. So he can rush to the nearest florist to buy flowers for the woman that has so entranced him?

Maybe not...

I'm sure dressing up like Gabe Kaplan and impersonating a meter-man while surreptitiously taking photographs of the object of your infatuation is a much better idea.

I think Lex needs to get out more and stop reading those Forum letters for his inspiration in the ways of dating.

Realizing that he hasn't quite achieved the level of creepiness that he was looking for, Lex has his robot assistants kidnap the woman. She is brought to Lex's lair, where she is strapped to a medical gurney and wheeled into his Bio-Lab.

We'll have to wait to see if Luthor's courting ritual has worked or not, as he has another nefarious plot that needs tending to.

In an abandoned airstrip outside Metropolis, Luthor has summoned all of the leading crime-bosses of Metropolis to a meeting.

How this assembled band of criminal masterminds has never managed to bring down Superman is beyond me. I mean look at 'em, they practically reek of evil...or is that Old Spice...I can never tell.

Under the pretense of auctioning off his ultimate weapon, he has instead used it on the assembled crime-bosses to wipe them out in one fell swoop. He did not, however, account for Superman impersonating one of the mobsters to be there and thwart his plans.

Superman makes short work of the assembled crime-bosses and discovers that Luthor was in fact a robot, and not the real deal. That's not the only surprise that Luthor has in store for Superman though, as it turns out that the ultimate weapon would only have teleported the crime-bosses to the Metropolis Police Station instead of disintegrating them.

Luthor has turned over a new leaf! Love has conquered evil after all!

But what was it about that woman that captured the evil geniuses heart? And does she feel the same way?

Back at his secret lair, Lex pours his emotions out to his sweetheart (or captive...you say po-ta-to, I say po-tah-to).

After first glimpsing her in the sights of his ultimate weapon, Luthor was smitten. Over the next week while he wrestled with his emotions (or spied on her and kidnapped her...again, you say po-ta-to, I say po-tah-to), Lex discovered that she was suffering from a terminal disease. Using his scientific prowess and his "radical electro-spinal technique", he has cured her.

But will that be enough? Does she finally see how much of a new man that he has become?

Love truly does conquer all...

Although don't be too sure, as the story is continued next issue. I'm sure Lex will find someway to screw this up.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

The big takeaway from this issue is that Luthor has obviously chosen the wrong career path. Where he has consistantly failed at world domination, there is one area that this issue shows us that he has a real talent for...the art of love.

Who knew that Lex could use his scientific genius to boil down exactly what it is that a woman needs, after merely glancing at her.

Although it would probably be prudent to read the next issue before we all run out purchase our own Mr. Kotter wig and mustache. I've read a few Superman books between this one and current day, and I can't say that I ever remember seeing his one true love again.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Superman #215...Superman's 10 step process to overcoming grief

TITLE: Superman #215

PUBLISHER: DC

COVER DATE: April 1969

COVER PRICE: $0.12

24 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

This issue came out over a year before I was born, so there's not a whole lot I remember from when it was actually released. It then only took the better part of three decades or so before it found it's way into my collection.

As I mentioned yesterday, this is one of the imaginary stories that used to appear with some regularity in and around the sixties. If I remember correctly, this one is pretty entertaining as we watch Superman deal with his grief over the loss of his wife, Lois Lane.

Now before you start calling for my head on a stake for taking pleasure in Superman's loss, you have to remember that this is a Superman book from the 60's. You know he'll be making some questionable moral and ethical decisions.

Lois Lane...Dead...Yet Alive

• Writer: Otto Binder
• Penciler: Curt Swan
• Inker: Jack Abel
• Editor: Mort Weisinger

The story opens up as Lois' closest friends and family mourn her recent passing.

So how did it come to be that Superman now stands graveside, a devastated man? Did Brainiac or Luthor finally find the way to break Superman once and for all?

No, it took the brain power and foresight of a master villain like the Dimension Master?! Hmmm...can't say as I ever remember coming across him before now. I guess he's kept a pretty low profile while perfecting his ultimate crime (and by the look of his outfit, working summers part time at the renaissance festival).

His master plan involves shooting Superman with his Blast-Ray, hoping to scatter his atoms to the winds. Unfortunately, the blast ricochets off of Superman's chest and strikes Lois. In a puff of smoke, she was gone.

Now Superman is left to cope without his wife, while also having to raise their daughter, Laney, all by himself. Needless to say, Superman makes some rather odd parenting choices. Without further ado, let's take a look at Superman's fool proof plan for finding love and happiness again in ten easy steps.

#10. It's never too early to make your kid feel like an orphan

This one's a two-fer! After the sudden loss of your mother, what child would not want to then be separated from her father until after the funeral? And as a father and a husband, how could you not want to be even closer to your kids after such a tragedy. Ah well, grief does strange things to people.

#9. Who needs to make sure your Fortress of Solitude is safe for a toddler when you have a robotic babysitter

Once settled in to the Fortress, Superman lets Laney play on his super-exercising bars...right in front of the one door she should never open! Well, it's not like he'd ever do anything foolish like leaving his kryptonite samples right next to where his half-Kryptonian daughter is playing.

#8. The only thing better than a robotic babysitter is a dog

While continuing his secret identity as Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet, it's left to Krypto and the occasional robot Superman to babysit little Laney. I don't see anything wrong with that.

#7. Artificial intelligence is better than nothing

What better way to honor the memory of your mother than to create a robot to mimic her looks and mannerisms. Happy one year anniversary of your mother's death, Laney!

#6. Artificial love is better than nothing

So that's why you built the robotic Lois, eh Clark? Even a superman must get cold and lonely at the Fortress from time to time. Unfortunately for him, her battery life fizzles out five panels later.

#5. If you thought robotic Lois was fun, wait until you meet parallel world Lois

So remember that door that Laney wasn't supposed to open? Well she did, and guess what? There was red kryptonite back there after all. The exposure to it sent Laney to another dimension. When Superman follows her there, he finds that the Lois of this world is still alive!

#4. Nothing says emotional stability like impromptu proposals

After saving this world's Lois from a giant octopus (don't ask), Superman proposes at her bedside. I'm sure she'll be all right knowing that she's a replacement Lois for a Superman that's not even from her dimension.

#3. It's always best to wait until after the wedding to introduce your wife to the daughter that you had with the parallel version of herself

Well that's one way to introduce your daughter to her new mommy, and vice versa.

#2. Or you could just keep everyone in the dark and hope for the best

What could possibly go wrong with this plan? It's not like Lois is a whip-smart, investigative reporter who uses her skills to piece together stories that people more often than not don't want told...

Wait a minute, she is? Oh...

Well, it's not like Laney is a precocious six-year old, and they never catch you off guard asking uncomfortable questions...

Yeah, I foresee some problems in the near future.

#1. Live happily ever after knowing you just pulled one over on the people you supposedly love the most

So yeah, happily ever after. Now if he could only find two Lois' who are both alive at the same time! After reading this story, I'm sure Superman's got the skills to be able to pull that one off.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

I'm not sure we learned anything, or at least anything useful, in this story.

If you did, I think you may need to re-evaluate how you look at love, parenting, relationships, etc...

At least this issue had a nice Neal Adams cover. In fact, he probably did too nice a job, as it was easily the most emotionally satisfying part of this book. In this case, you definitely can't judge a book by it's cover.

I do have one last rather trivial thought about this issue. It looks like at this point in Superman's history that the writers have started to get lazy coming up with new double "L" names for the females in his world. I mean, honestly...Laney Lane? What if they had had a son instead of a daughter? You just know there's a parallel world out there somewhere with a little Kenty Kent running around.

Click here for the second story from this issue, following the exploits of Superbaby!

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics