Action Comics - Lightning Round Style

We started reading all 80 pages of the 50th Anniversary Issue celebrating Superman's first appearance in Action Comics earlier, but now let's finish this big issue out lightning round style.

The first story dealt with Superman teaming up with Wonder Woman to take down Darkseid, while the rest of the stories have a decidedly less cosmic flavor to them. They also help to round out Superman's supporting cast with stories focusing on Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Lex Luthor. Oh, and Man-Bat.

Man-Bat? I guess nothing screams "600 issues of Superman in Action Comics" like a Man-Bat story. That's the last one up however, so in the meantime let's start it up with Lois Lane.

no title given

• Plot: John Byrne
• Script: Roger Stern
• Pencils: Kurt Schaffenberger
• Inks: Jerry Ordway
• Letters: Bill Oakley
• Colors: Petra Scotese

While investigating a story on an escaped mob boss returning to Metropolis, Lois gets in over her head. She relies on a self-defense technique taught to her by whom...

• Her father, General Sam Lane
• A Las Vegas chorus girl
• Superman himself

It's best not to go with the obvious on this one, as the correct answer is the Las Vegas chorus-line girl.

No worries though, as her chorus girl kick does the trick and the mobster is soon back in police custody as Lois heads back to the Daily Planet to file her story. When she arrives, she's in for a shocker as the front page has already been taken by the love story of the century...Superman and Wonder Woman!

It seems a paper in Boston has got quite the scoop about their budding relationship, leaving the Daily Planet with a little bit of egg on it's face by being out-scooped in its own hometown. Lois takes it hard, but Clark assures her that the original story is not based on fact.

So what does our hard-nosed reporter due next?

• Wallows in self-pity while she walks home
• Heads out to get the real story about this "Super-Romance Of The Century"
• She throws herself out of the window of the Daily Planet in a bid to have Superman rescue her so she can confront him

Hopefully you're starting to sense a pattern here, as the answer is not the obvious one.

As she walks back to her apartment, she takes the long way home and bemoans her misfortune of being just a plain human. How is she supposed to win Superman's heart when she's up against Wonder Woman?

When she finally gets to her apartment, Lois is soon surprised by a knock on the door. Who comes to see her?

• Superman, holding a dozen roses, who then escorts her to the Fortress Of Solitude on an official date
• Clark Kent, who soon ditches her when an emergency arises and Superman is needed
• Lex Luthor, looking for a little rebound action booty-call

Alas, for poor Lois it was Clark. He had the best of intentions, arriving with a friendly shoulder for Lois to cry on, but when Superman is needed, sacrifices must be made.

Games People Play

• Story: John Byrne
• Pencils: Dick Giordano
• Inks: John Beatty
• Coloring: Tom Ziuko
• Lettering: Albert DeGuzman

It's another average day for Lex Luthor, power-broker of Metropolis and thorn in Superman's side. Who does he summon to his office to confront about their treatment of him?

• Jimmy Olsen, about his camera constantly flashing in his face
• Lois Lane, about her constant investigative reporting into his business activities
• Maggie Sawyer, about the constant trail that the S.C.U. have on Luthor and his people

Yeah, it would appear that the S.C.U. are getting too good at their job and are getting a little too close for Lex's liking.

Luckily for Lex, Maggie has a little secret that is ripe for the blackmailing. What is it?

• She's secretly the Alpha Centurion
• She's a lesbian
• She likes to smoke a little something else in her cigarette holder every once in a while

This was the late 80's, and unfortunately for Captain Sawyer, being a woman in her position of power could easily have been brought low if it became common knowledge that she was in fact a lesbian.

Lex calls in his secretary to add an exclamation point to his accusations, so to speak, but Maggie ain't taking the bait. At the very least, it gives Dick Giordano a chance to give us a little eye candy.

Maggie didn't get to where she was by accident however, and she calls his bluff and tells Luthor to go ahead and expose her secret as she won't be intimidated by anyone. Luthor, not used to being talked back to, does something out of frustration that ends up putting him in the Lex Corp infirmary. What was it?

• He kicks his desk, which was previously lined with lead to prevent Superman's prying eyes
• He shoves Maggie and her pointy cigarette holder hits him in the eye
• He bangs his fist on this desk, exposing the fact that the kryptonite ring he wears has been poisoning him

Yes, this is the issue where we find out that the ring the Lex wore to keep Superman at bay would soon go on to cause him all sorts of problems.

One of the biggest problems would be for us, the readers, as it would usher in the introduction of the long-haired, hipster Lex of the early 90's.

A Friend In Need

• Plot: John Byrne
• Script: Roger Stern
• Pencils: Curt Swan
• Inks: Murphy Anderson
• Letters: Albert DeGuzman
• Colors: Tom Ziuko

While investigating a story, Jimmy Olsen uses his signal watch to alert Superman of what impending disaster.

• A toxic waste spill
• A chemical fire
• A broken down truck

A trick question, as the answer is all of the above.

All of this is kids play for Superman though, and he soon has everything under control. Instead of basking in the glory of another job well done, Superman collapses and can barely speak long enough to ask for Jimmy's help.

Suspecting some sort of kryptonite poisoning, what does Jimmy do?

• Uses a forklift truck to lift Superman and drive him to some underground caves
• Uses a crane to lift Superman to the local lead smelting plant to encase him in lead
• Raids the general store for all of the Reynolds Wrap, and wraps Superman in it

Yes, the fast thinking Jimmy borrows a fork-lift truck from a local warehouse to drive Superman underground.

Luckily for Superman, the local caverns have a high lead ratio and Superman hopes that that will be enough to shield him from the kryptonite poisoning.

Now those of you up on your Superman knowledge know that at this time there was very little kryptonite around. So what's with the sudden onset of kryptonite poisoning?

• The truck that caught fire was filled with synthetic kryptonite, of which Superman caught a lungful of
• Unbeknown to Superman, Metallo was driving the tanker that caught fire
• It was radiation from the explosion of Kryptonite that finally reached the earth after traveling at the speed of light all these years

It's all about the science, as Superman has calculated that with thee distance between Krytpon and Earth, it would be just about now that the radiation would start to hit us. You think that if he would've known about it, that he would've been a little better prepared.

Oh well, whatever doesn't kill us just makes us stronger, right Superman?

Uh oh, it looks like Superman is still feeling a little under the weather.

So just who does Jimmy go to for help now? You'll just have to tune in next time to find out.

That's right, there's still one more story to go, but its late and I'm going to bed. Come back soon for "The Dark Where Madness Lies".

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Action Comics #574

TITLE: Action Comics #574

PUBLISHER: DC

COVER DATE: December 1985

COVER PRICE: $0.75

24 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

I've already written before about how this era of Superman books is one of the few that I've not really cracked into with any sort of consistency. Nothing has changed in the last couple of months, so there's not a whole lot to say before we start reading.

One of the things I am looking forward to, is reading a Superman book that came out in the last year before the John Byrne relaunch. It always strikes me as odd that the Superman books from the early 80's still read like they were straight out of the silver age. The Superman titles by and large were missing the more mature themes that popped up in the bronze age, and for whatever reason just plowed on through like nothing much had changed.

Eventually, the editors realized that something needed to be done and John Byrne was brought in to relaunch the franchise. It was definitely one of the wiser decisions that has been made to the Superman lines over the years, and the books are better off for it twentysome years later.

So when this issue came out, Crisis On Infinite Earths was two-thirds of the way through and was laying the groundwork for the new status quo. I'm curious to see if this issue still clings to the silver age style, or if it saw the writing on the wall and tried to get with the times. Let's find out.

May The Best World Win!

• Writer: Craig Boldman
• Penciller: Kurt Schaffenberger
• Inker: Dave Hunt
• Letterer: Milt Snapinn
• Colorist: Gene D'Angelo
• Editor: Julius Schwartz

The issue opens up on an average day for Clark Kent, working on a story in his office at the Daily Planet, as he's soon distracted by a noise outside his window. Seeing as how he's high up on a skyscraper, this is obviously a job for Superman and not Clark Kent.

Silver Age Alert!

State of the art technology still using the old shoebox design

The noise came from a roving camera/transmitter from the Planet Ostok, which has come to Earth with an offer for Superman to partake in an athletic competition. Decades ago, the natives of Ostok used to hold athletic competitions that spanned the galaxies. The only planet that they couldn't beat was Krypton, with all of their battles ending in a tie before Krypton was eventually destroyed leaving the contest forever stalemated. With the realization that there is still a Kryptonian alive on Earth, they are looking for one last chance to claim victory.

Not wanting to shirk his responsibilities to the people of Earth, Superman demurs. Jimmy Olsen, who has been eavesdropping on the converstation the whole time, writes about it in the Daily Planet. Fan mail soon starts pouring into the newsroom, urging Superman to accept the challenge and compete for both Krypton and Earth's honor. Not one to disappoint his fans, Superman accepts.

Silver Age Alert!

The U.N. has nothing better to do than to get involved with a super race

A series of events are soon scheduled to take place on Earth and Superman meets the Ostokian champion with which he will do battle, Rad Zonon.

Silver Age Alert!

Friendly alien races with alien handshakes

The meeting is soon cut short however, as something shiny catches Superman's attention.

Silver Age Alert!

Superman "subtly" lets us know that he's already solved the mystery/twist/misunderstanding that'll wrap everything up on the last page

Over the next seven pages, the two athletes compete against each other with neither one gaining the upper hand for very long. During the weeklong contest period, Jimmy Olsen tries to get to the bottom of what had distracted Superman earlier in the story. Working together with S.T.A.R. Labs, they have discovered that Zonon's body is emitting a strange radiation that nonetheless, doesn't seem to be affecting Superman.

It's all down to the final contest, which has Superman and Zonon engaged in a super-strong arm wrestling competition. The supercomputer, which has been used to keep score during the contest, buzzes as it's ready to declare a winner.

Jimmy Olsen and the scientists at S.T.A.R. Labs decide to bring the information they've discovered to Superman's attention, as they feel that the strange readings they found may have affected the super-computer's results.

Superman's non-plussed of course, as he lets us in on exactly what has been really going on. With no clues that were ever seeded in the story for the reader, Superman demonstrates the deductive abilities of his super-brain and fills us in.

When he left abruptly earlier, he went to the fortress and used some specialized equipment to "tune in" on the Planet Ostok. He soon found out that Zonon's planet was also affected by Krypton exploding, which caused the planet to become bathed in a series of radioactive solar eruptions.

Silver Age Alert!

All spaceships shall be of the Flash Gordon design school

Zonon was the only one of his planet to escape it's fate, as he was travelling back from an athletic competition at the time. Distraught and alone on his devastated planet, he spent next couple of decades tinkering with technology that allowed him to discover that a lone Kryptonian was still alive. Using his machines to de-age himself, he travels to Earth to finish that final athletic competition.

It was the effects of the de-aging technology that S.T.A.R. Labs had detected earlier, but Sueperman was aware of it the whole time. He decided it was best to give this last athlete of a devastated world his final victory, so that he may return to his world and die at peace.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

There's no mistaking it, this story reads like it could have been straight out of an 80-Page Giant from back in the day. I was actually surprised at just how Silver Agey this story actually felt.

It's no wonder that Superman was in for a major overhaul if this was the status quo going into 1986.

That's not to say that I don't enjoy the old stories, I'm just amazed that they were still telling them this far into the 80's.

There's still one more story in this issue, and it's a Mr. Mxyzptlk romp that we'll finish up tomorrow.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics