Thor #365

TITLE: The Mighty Thor #365

PUBLISHER: Marvel Comics

COVER DATE: March 1986

COVER PRICE: $0.75

22 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

My first comic book collecting obsession was with The Avengers, so I have a lot of love for Thor. It took me a while, however, to begin reading his own title on a monthly basis. I started around issue #390, so I unfortunately just missed out on reading one of the best comic book runs of all time as it was coming out.

Or at least that's what I've always heard. I had every intention of picking up those back issues, but for some reason I never did. I blogged earlier about a collection from a friend of one of my in-laws that was given to me, and in that collection was about a dozen issues of Walt Simonson's run of Thor. I still haven't gotten around to reading any of them yet, but rest assured the Walter Simonson Thor Omnibus will be mine once it's released.

So long story short...The issue we're reading today is from that collection and I haven't read it yet, nor do I know what happens in it. I guess the only thing to do now is to read it!

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner or It's Not Easy Being Green!

• Art & Story by Walter Simonson
• Lettering by John Workman
• Colors by Max Scheele
• Editing by Ralph Macchio
• Editor in Chief Jim Shooter

So as it turns out, we have a bit of a special issue here and I didn't even realize it...it's the issue where Thor is a frog!

Throg!?

Did that name ever catch on? If the Clone Thor from Civil War got a cool nickname (Clor, obviously), I think it's only fair that Thor Frog should get one too.

Since it's a special occasion and all, let's break format and live a little. Download "Ain't Got No Home" by Clarence Brown and put it on your iPod and let's live blog this frog!

10:03 pm (page 1 panel 1) As the issue opens up, Thor is already a frog and is hopping through the sewers of New York being inexorably drawn to a pied piper and his soothing tunes.

10:06 pm (page 2 panel 2) Through the magic of thought balloons (take that, modern comics) we find out that Loki has transformed Thor into a frog, but he has nothing to do with the fellow playing flute.

Thor being Thor, he takes matters into his own hands and frog smacks the piper in the face and runs off with his flute!

10:09pm (page 3 panel 4) I think Walter Simonson is some sort of mad genius. I submit as proof this shot of a frog holding a magic flute in his mouth while kicking a dead rat into the gaping jaws of an alligator!


10:14pm (page 5 panel 1) So back in the surface world, it appears that we're in the middle of a battle between a pack of rats and a reservoir of frogs? And it appears to be played rather straight...seriously.

10:17pm (page 5 panel 3) The lead rats name is Ratso!

10:20pm (page 6 panel 1) Back up in Asgard, another altogether different battle wages as the citizens of Asgard gather to pick who will lead them during Odin's absence. To Loki's surprise, in walks Thor! After all, didn't he just turn him into a frog on Midgard?

10:22pm (page 6 panel 3) Loki manages to get the althing delayed for a week, enough time for him to investigate this fake Thor and to use his arrival to his advantage.

10:26pm (page 8 panel 1) Loki follows Thor and Heimdall to their private chambers, where he turns himself into a fly to better spy on them unseen.


10:27pm (page 8 panel 5) Am I the only one seeing a problem with Loki turning himself into a fly while Thor is currently in the body of a frog? Granted, they're on two different planes of reality, but I still question your judgement Loki.

10:31pm (page 9 panel 2) Back on Earth, the rats are on the offensive against the frogs for the control of Central Park.

And there's another rat named Rizzo...I should've seen that coming.

10:33pm (page 10 panel 2) They're in for a surprise however, as the alligators from the alley have followed Thor to the surface and have decided to feast on the rats.

10:36pm (page 11 panel 5) While currently trapped in the body of frog, Thor is still the hero and now he must find a way to alert the authorities that there are a bunch of alligators in Central Park before any innocents get hurt.

Unfortunately for him, the piper has found him and soon has his flute back and Thor on the run (or hop, so to speak).


10:42pm (page 13 panel 2) Back in Asgard, Loki has discovered the true identity of the impostor Thor. It is Harokin, working in concert with Heimdall, trying to stall the meeting until they can find the real Thor and bring him back to Asgard.

10:45pm (page 14 panel 5) On Earth, Thor catches a break as the Piper recognizes in this wild frog a kindred spirit. Taking his flute, he begins to play and leads the alligators back into the sewers, leaving the frogs in control of Central Park.

Is it me, or does the Piper look a little like a certain writer/artist named Walter Simonson?

10:51pm (page 17 panel 1) The council of frogs soon gather and unanimously elect Thor to be their king after his successful guidance helped them defeat the rats.

Unfortunately for them, Thor is destined to lead a different species.

10:56pm (page 18 panel 3) Thor soon finds his way back to his two faithful goats, Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder, who have stood watch over might Mjolnir during his absence.

10:59pm (page 19 panel 7) Urged on by Toothgnasher, he hops over to his hammer, determined to lift it and reclaim his birthright.

At just the same time, two of the wayward rats return seeking revenge on the frog who bested them.

11:01pm (page 21 panel 2) And here's the money shot we were all waiting for...

The Mighty Throg in all his resplendent glory!

11:03pm (page 22 panel 2) Did I mention that Simonson was a mad genius? Who else could get away with a shot of a frog dressed in Thor's armor while driving a chariot pulled by two flying goats?

Glorious stuff.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

The big thing we learned from this issue is that I was fool for letting this run stay unread for so long. I've always loved Walter Simonson's work, and this issue was the work of a man at the top of his game.

His Thor, while trapped in the body of a frog, was both majestic and heroic while his Loki was conniving and deceitful. What more could you want in a Thor comic?

It took twenty-some pages to get the return of Thor, so to speak, and the visual payoff was worth the whole price of admission. I wonder how easy of a sell it was for him to convince the editors to let him turn Thor into a frog, much less do it in a straight-faced manner that is remembered fondly by the readers, not jokingly.

Like I said, the man's a mad genius as he was also the same creator that replaced the members of the Fantastic Four with the likes of Wolverine, Spider-Man, Hulk, and Ghost Rider...and it worked just as well.

Unfortunately, this is the last issue of his Thor run that I have. To say that reading this issue has increased my anticipation of the upcoming Walter Simonson Thor Omnibus is a bit of an understatement.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) Marvel Comics

The West Coast Avengers #23

TITLE: The West Coast Avengers #23

PUBLISHER: Marvel Comics

COVER DATE: August 1987

COVER PRICE: $0.75

22 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

Now, the West Coast Avengers...I have a lot of love for the West Coast Avengers. The funny thing is though, is that that the title has always been mediocre at best. Aside from the Byrne run in the 40's and 50's, and Roger Stern's original mini-series, I can't really think of another run on this series that sticks out for me. I'd probably give Roy and Dann Thomas the benefit of the doubt for the longevity of their run, and for the fact that they kept a personal favorite of mine around in the form of U.S.Agent.

So why does this title generate so much good will in my collection? First off, I've always assumed for the last decade or so that X-Factor was the first new title launch that I collected as a week-in and week-out comic book buyer. That turns out to not be true, as West Coast Avengers beat it to the punch by almost six months.

I'm sure that's part of it.

The other thing, is that it always featured some of my favorite Avengers.

Hawkeye? Naturally.

Vision? I, for one, loved the pale-Byrne Vision.

Scarlet Witch? I always dug her hex powers.

U.S.Agent? The Damian of the Avengers.

The Great Lakes Avengers? Their debut issue is one of my favorite books from the 80's.

These were all characters that didn't have their own book, so most of the time this title was the only place you could catch 'em.

But we're here to talk about this issue, and to tell you the truth, when I reread it to prepare for this review it turns out that I had literally no memory of this issue whatsoever. I'm sure the only reason that I remember the Mockingbird/Phantom Rider showdown was that it has gotten so much play in the recent issues of Hawkeye & Mockingbird.

So how could this issue have slipped through the cracks so completely, on a title that I generally read month in and month out? Let's find out...

Showtime!
Lost in Space-Time: Conclusion!

• Writer: Steve Englehart
• Penciller: Al Milgrom
• Inker: Romeo Tanghal
• Letterer: Tom Orzechowski
• Colorist: Christie Scheele
• Editor: Mark Gruenwald
• Editor-in-Chief: Jim Shooter

As you can tell from the title of this issue, this is the last chapter dealing with a time-strewn team of Avengers. Hawkeye and that gang are stuck in ancient Egypt, while Mockingbird's being stalked in the old west, and the only one that can save them is Hank Pym and some WCA also-rans. And here we get my first clue as to why this issue is such a cypher to me. Hank Pym comes to the Fantastic Four for help, but why he comes dressed in disguise is beyond me.

That disguise is so good, it totally made me forget this meeting (or anything else about this issue) ever happened.

But seriously, doc...who told you that Phantom Stranger meets Where's Waldo was a good look? Fortunately for him, that's not the worst costume design in this issue.

With his help, Mr. Fantastic soon fixes up the FF's time machine so that Hank and company can act on a clue left for them by Hawkeye from over 5000 years in the past. Off they go, leaving the FF to look after Hank's fancy new Quinjet that's been outfitted with an artificial intelligence based on a loyal ant that he had known named Korr.

How could I have possibly not remembered that? It just gets curiouser and curiouser.

Now, remember that costume I mentioned earlier? Let's catch up with Avengers in ancient Egypt.

Look at that awesome costume on Wonder Man...and by awesome, I mean horrible.

Anything that makes this look downright dapper by comparison is a lost cause.

So the Avengers are on the run in Egypt, and end up taking refuge in a local temple. Coincidentally enough, it's the temple of the shunned god Khonshu, patron saint of Moon Knight. Trapped in the temple, with no hope of rescue anytime soon, Hawkeye sets out to build some weapons with which to arm the acolytes for the oncoming siege from the restless natives.

Wait a minute...Did that statue just wink at Hawkeye?

Two pages of tedious recapping of Moon Knight's origin later, we find out exactly why Khonshu was so keen on Hawkeye. He was only using him for his toys.

That's right...Hawkeye created the weapons that were handed down millenia later to Moon Knight. How could I have forgotten about something as random, coincidental, and completely out of the blue as that? I actually know the answer to that question, as I've never been able to muster up much enthusiasm for Moon Knight. I'm sure I probably saw these two pages and flipped forward until I got to the good stuff.

And speaking of good stuff, here's Mockingbird having her big throw down with the Phantom Rider. I don't feel quite comfortable cracking wise about her plotline here, so let's let her have her moment of vengeance and move on.

We're back to the present, just in time to catch up with Mr. Fantastic sending Hank Pym, Moon Knight, and Firebird Espirita back to rescue Hawkeye and crew.

It's nice to know that you can always count on Reed to help send you through time when you need it. He may have a snide comment or two about you after you leave, but he's got your back.

Now that we have a working time machine, this issue should be wrapped up in no time. A quick jaunt back to ancient Egypt sees the West Coast Avengers reunited. Unfortunately, most of their reunion is taken up with the Priests of Khonshu speaking gibberish about prophecies and fists and vengeance...and honestly, I just can't be bothered to wrap my head around it.

I'm with you Hawkeye, let's get movin' already.

Trading in his time machine for a form of transportation more appropriate to the old west, Hawkeye swoops in and rescues his girl.

Now, with the team finally reunited as a whole, they're off to the time stream one last time to head back to the present and deliver a good smack down to Dominus for sending them all back to the past in the first place.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

A couple of things, actually.

First, don't piss off Mockingbird. She'll take you down. Just ask the Phantom Rider, it's a long way down.

Second, don't underestimate Hawkeye. No sooner are you stuck in the past, and he figures out a way to get help that would do Grant Morrison proud.

Third, don't let Hank Pym or Wonder Man help you with your wardrobe. Ever.

I gave this issue a fair amount of grief during the review, but it wasn't that bad. It's biggest sin is probably that it's decidedly average on most counts. The only aspect of this issue that's had any lasting effect is Mockingbird's story, and that gets a scant four pages. All the rest is Hank and his crew talking about the emotional journey they've been on, and why this time they're good enough, smart enough, and doggone it people like them! And then there's all of that Khonshu nonsense.

So yeah, not much to see here. If you really want to know about Mockingbird's vengeance, pick up the Hawkeye & Mockingbird trade as you'll get a much better story out of it.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) Marvel Comics

The Punisher (Vol. 1) #3

TITLE: The Punisher (Vol. 1) #3

PUBLISHER: Marvel Comics

COVER DATE: March 1986

COVER PRICE: $0.75

23 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

As I sat down to begin the review and I looked back over the previous post where this issue was selected, I guess I kinda waxed eloquently a little more than I usually do. In fact, I didn't leave myself with a whole lot of anything new to write for the preamble here, but there are at least two other distinct thoughts that do came to mind.

To begin with, this is the first mini-series (or series) I remember reading that really surprised me when I initially read it. I had been reading comics for less than a year by this point, and being the brash punk that I was, I thought that I had seen it all. But here we had a mini-series about a borderline villain that was truly unlike anything I had read up to that point. Perhaps that's why I remember this series more for the feelings it evoked, rather than the actual content of the story.

Second, is that this series made me a Mike Zeck fan to this day. The surprising thing, however, is that there's not a lot of his work in my collection. I never did go longbox diving for his past work, but I always kept my eye out for his name in the credits. Unfortunately, he never did land on another series that I collected regularly, but his covers for Deathstroke, The Terminator were a big part of me deciding to collect that series.

Slaughterday

• Writer: Steven Grant
• Penciller: Mike Zeck
• Inker: John Beatty
• Letterer: Ken Bruzenak
• Colorist: Bob Sharen
• Editor: Carl Potts
• Editor in Chief: James Shooter

The issue opens up as a gang war is raging across New York City. One of the mobsters involved, Santiago, is being watched by snipers on a nearby roof as he exits a cafe. As gunfire rains down around him, killing his two bodyguards, his driver pulls up and rescues Santiago before he is gunned down as well.

As Santiago swears vengeance on Ejszaka and his men for trying to kill him, his relief at getting out alive is soon replaced with despair as he realizes that the Punisher is driving the car that saved him. As they are chased through the city by more of Ejszaka's hitmen, the Punisher explains that he didn't save Santiago out of the kindness of his own heart. He's going to do something for him, by helping him stop the gang war.

Santiago soon realizes that he's not in a strong enough position to survive a protracted gang war, and he reluctantly agrees to call another peace conference with the other mob families in the city.

We soon get a small clue as to what the Punisher is up to as he returns to the apartment of his lady friend, Angela.

It seems the Punisher was the one that initiated the gang war, in the hopes that the various mob families would wipe themselves out. It didn't work out that smoothly, as too many innocents have been caught in the crossfire. Now, he just seeks to get the peace going again to bring stability back to the city.

Angela tries to convince him to join forces with The Trust, a shadowy vigilante organization that sprung him from jail in the first issue. Little does the Punisher know, however, the she is working for them and her apartment is bugged. As two members of that organization listen in, we find out that The Trust is getting impatient that the Punisher has yet to officially join their cause of wiping out the New York mobs.

Weary of groups, the Punisher tells Angela he'll think about The Trust, when he notices that someone is watching her apartment. He sneaks up on the car parked outside to find out that it is Tony Massera, the son of a respected mob boss. It's immediately apparent that this kid is no threat to the Punisher, but he swears revenge on the Punisher for killing his father. The Punisher walks away, condemning him to his father's fate if he should try to carry out his threat.

Back to his plan, the Punisher is on hand to personally "convince" several of the mob bosses to attend the hastily convened peace conference. Before he leaves the last one, he questions him about Marcus Coriander, a relatively new boss on the scene that he doesn't know much about. He gets the location of his office, but that's about it.

The Punisher heads back to Santiago's place to listen in on the peace conference. As the conference call begins, gunfire is heard on the other lines as the mobsters are all being gunned down at once. Santiago manages to hear one of the bosses implicate the Punisher as the gunman with his dying breath. As the Punisher steps out of the shadows of Santiago's office, it's revealed that it's an impostor in the Punisher's outfit. He guns down Santiago as the real Punisher comes bursting into his office, too late to save the one gangster willing to help him.

It's soon apparent that all of the mob bosses but Coriander are dead. He has done what the Punisher could not do, as he has eliminated all of the heads of the various mob families of New York. There now remains just one more thing for the Punisher to do, and that is to pay a visit to Coriander to finish things once and for all.

Across town, Coriander is anything but elated at the current turn of events. Yes, his competition is all but destroyed, but the Punisher remains. The army of Punisher lookalikes that he had sent out to do his dirty work have returned, and Marcus gives them orders to find the Punisher and kill him. He then leaves them to their target practice as he heads into his office.

Unfortunately for him, the Punisher is there waiting for him. During his interrogation, Marcus reveals that he is working for the Trust. If the Punisher kills him now, it will just be that much easier for the Kingpin to come back and reclaim his power and throne. As he struggles with the long term and short term implications of killing Coriander for all of the innocents that have suffered by his actions, Marcus grabs a desk lamp and strikes the Punisher in the head. That buys him enough time to burst out of his office, as he orders his men to kill the Punisher.

It's not really a fair fight, and the Punisher is soon back chasing Coriander as he flees his office building. As the Punisher closes in on him, Corianer opens fire. He misses the Punisher, but strikes and kills a little girl in the lobby.

Coriander escapes, as the Punisher is momentarily paralyzed by the horror of what has just witnessed. Flashbacks flood his mind of his family being gunned down in central park, and of innocent civilians caught in the crossfire from his time in Viet Nam. He soon snaps out of it, redoubling his efforts to make Coriander pay, when he catches up to him in an alley.

Distraught over what he has just done, Coriander is a mess. He gives up the name of the man who he's working for, just as he is shot dead by someone standing behind the Punisher. He turns to see that the shooter was none other than his lover, Angela!

It turns out that the Punisher was getting played all along, as the Trust was using him for their own agenda. They had hoped he would join them, but he was too much of a loner. Now, he is nothing more than a loose end that needs mopping up. As the Punisher struggles to make sense of everything, Angela takes aim and fires at him.

The Punisher collapses to the floor of the alley, finally realizing that he can trust no one before he loses consciousness.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

To tell you the truth, as this issue started out, I thought it was a little on the weak side. I was starting to get disappointed that it wasn't living up to the memories that I had of this being a good mini-series. As the issue progressed however, and we get to the mob conference, it really picked up pace and never let go.

It's at that point that all of the various storythreads and plot points begin to converge and the action ramps up. It was interesting to see the Punisher in a vulnerable position, as he struggles with the idea of working with a vigilante organization. The fact that the one person he let himself get close to was in on it from the beginning, makes the betrayal all the more painful, as we get a sense that the Punisher may be a somewhat sympathetic character after all.

The on-panel death of the little girl seems a little harsh, as it serves to remind the Punisher of the true purpose of his mission. Even today that scene is jarring, and I can only imagine how it played at the time. We had yet to be hit over the head with the "grim and gritty" characters that seemed to plague the early 90's, so I suppose we have this issue to thank for it. It's a shame that such a cliched genre movement would soon overshadow the character of the Punisher, as there seems to be real effort to play him as more than just a mindless vigilante here.

I suppose it's a testament to what Steven Grant and Mike Zeck started, however, that there has pretty much been a continuous stream of Punisher comics in their wake. Not all of them have been good, but there have been a few gems to be found over the years.

If there's one area of disappointment to be found here, it's sadly to do with the art. I don't seem to remember Mike Zeck being this inconsistent in the interior pages, but I found it really jarring from page to page, sometimes even from panel to panel. Maybe it's the fact that his covers for this series were so iconic, that I had assumed the same level of craftsmanship got carried to the inside as well. That's not the case however, but there's still work to be enjoyed between the covers.

All in all, it's good to see that one of the touchstone series from my "golden age" of comic book reading still, more or less, holds up to today's standards.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) Marvel Comics

Related links for your surfing pleasure...

• Steven Grant's Paper Movies
• Permanent Damage, a weekly column by Steven Grant
• Mike Zeck's Homepage
• Marvel Comics of the 80's just recently took a look at some Mike Zeck pencilled pages from this era, including the Punisher.

I'll take KRYPTONITE POISONING for $600

All right, we're in the homestretch with the 80 pg. beast of an issue that is Action Comics #600. If you missed the previous installments, check here and here.

Closing things out is a tale that seems a little out of place, as I don't instantly think Man-Bat when I think of classic Superman villains that deserve to be highlighted in an anniversary issue. Have no fear, however, as our investment in time and bandwidth is going to be rewarded as Mike Mignola handles the art for the last eight pages. If you're going to have a Man-Bat story, you could do a heckuva lot worse than have the master of mood, the Svengali of shadows, the general of gothic, handling the pencils.

Let's check it out.

The Dark Where Madness Lies

• Written by John Byrne
• Drawn by Mike Mignola
• Lettered by Bill Oakley
• Colored by Petra Scotese

Speaking of Mike Mignola, he wastes no time in giving us a beautiful image of Man-Bat soaring high in the nighttime sky.

He has come to the wilderness to seek solace amongst the shrill songs of his brethren. Down below, he finds the perfect cave and soars in only to be confused by the absence of bats that would normally make the cave a bustling community. It doesn't take him long to find out exactly what has spooked his bat brothers.

Yes...it's the same cave that Superman has decided to ride out his bout of kryponite poisoning in, and unfortunately he's in no mood to make new friends. In fact, the more he tries to soothe the crazed Kryptonian, the worse it gets and the worse his delusions become.

In his rage, Superman knocks Man-Bat around the cave like a pinata. Whatever he does to try to calm Superman, it only works to make him more enraged. It's only when Superman has Man-Bat facing the sharp end of a stalactite that he realizes he's been out of control. Even enraged, Superman will not kill.

In control of his faculties once more, Superman explains that its the kryptonite rays from his exploded planet that is doing this to him. The rays were too strong for the lead that was in the caves to block out. Another shock wave could kill him. Luckily for him, he has an idea of someone who could help. Unfortunately, he's still too weak to seek him out. Man-Bat takes it upon himself to find the one person who can help the Man of Steel.

So who is it?

He only shows up in shadows here, but those wings are a dead giveaway.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

Anniversary jam issues are usually a mixed bag. Chances are, there's something in there that's good, and hopefully you end with more winners than losers to make the extra price involved worth it.

This time around, we go three winners and two meh's. I think I'll call that a win and slide this book back in it's bag and backer, and head back to the longboxes for another pick.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Action Comics - Lightning Round Style

We started reading all 80 pages of the 50th Anniversary Issue celebrating Superman's first appearance in Action Comics earlier, but now let's finish this big issue out lightning round style.

The first story dealt with Superman teaming up with Wonder Woman to take down Darkseid, while the rest of the stories have a decidedly less cosmic flavor to them. They also help to round out Superman's supporting cast with stories focusing on Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Lex Luthor. Oh, and Man-Bat.

Man-Bat? I guess nothing screams "600 issues of Superman in Action Comics" like a Man-Bat story. That's the last one up however, so in the meantime let's start it up with Lois Lane.

no title given

• Plot: John Byrne
• Script: Roger Stern
• Pencils: Kurt Schaffenberger
• Inks: Jerry Ordway
• Letters: Bill Oakley
• Colors: Petra Scotese

While investigating a story on an escaped mob boss returning to Metropolis, Lois gets in over her head. She relies on a self-defense technique taught to her by whom...

• Her father, General Sam Lane
• A Las Vegas chorus girl
• Superman himself

It's best not to go with the obvious on this one, as the correct answer is the Las Vegas chorus-line girl.

No worries though, as her chorus girl kick does the trick and the mobster is soon back in police custody as Lois heads back to the Daily Planet to file her story. When she arrives, she's in for a shocker as the front page has already been taken by the love story of the century...Superman and Wonder Woman!

It seems a paper in Boston has got quite the scoop about their budding relationship, leaving the Daily Planet with a little bit of egg on it's face by being out-scooped in its own hometown. Lois takes it hard, but Clark assures her that the original story is not based on fact.

So what does our hard-nosed reporter due next?

• Wallows in self-pity while she walks home
• Heads out to get the real story about this "Super-Romance Of The Century"
• She throws herself out of the window of the Daily Planet in a bid to have Superman rescue her so she can confront him

Hopefully you're starting to sense a pattern here, as the answer is not the obvious one.

As she walks back to her apartment, she takes the long way home and bemoans her misfortune of being just a plain human. How is she supposed to win Superman's heart when she's up against Wonder Woman?

When she finally gets to her apartment, Lois is soon surprised by a knock on the door. Who comes to see her?

• Superman, holding a dozen roses, who then escorts her to the Fortress Of Solitude on an official date
• Clark Kent, who soon ditches her when an emergency arises and Superman is needed
• Lex Luthor, looking for a little rebound action booty-call

Alas, for poor Lois it was Clark. He had the best of intentions, arriving with a friendly shoulder for Lois to cry on, but when Superman is needed, sacrifices must be made.

Games People Play

• Story: John Byrne
• Pencils: Dick Giordano
• Inks: John Beatty
• Coloring: Tom Ziuko
• Lettering: Albert DeGuzman

It's another average day for Lex Luthor, power-broker of Metropolis and thorn in Superman's side. Who does he summon to his office to confront about their treatment of him?

• Jimmy Olsen, about his camera constantly flashing in his face
• Lois Lane, about her constant investigative reporting into his business activities
• Maggie Sawyer, about the constant trail that the S.C.U. have on Luthor and his people

Yeah, it would appear that the S.C.U. are getting too good at their job and are getting a little too close for Lex's liking.

Luckily for Lex, Maggie has a little secret that is ripe for the blackmailing. What is it?

• She's secretly the Alpha Centurion
• She's a lesbian
• She likes to smoke a little something else in her cigarette holder every once in a while

This was the late 80's, and unfortunately for Captain Sawyer, being a woman in her position of power could easily have been brought low if it became common knowledge that she was in fact a lesbian.

Lex calls in his secretary to add an exclamation point to his accusations, so to speak, but Maggie ain't taking the bait. At the very least, it gives Dick Giordano a chance to give us a little eye candy.

Maggie didn't get to where she was by accident however, and she calls his bluff and tells Luthor to go ahead and expose her secret as she won't be intimidated by anyone. Luthor, not used to being talked back to, does something out of frustration that ends up putting him in the Lex Corp infirmary. What was it?

• He kicks his desk, which was previously lined with lead to prevent Superman's prying eyes
• He shoves Maggie and her pointy cigarette holder hits him in the eye
• He bangs his fist on this desk, exposing the fact that the kryptonite ring he wears has been poisoning him

Yes, this is the issue where we find out that the ring the Lex wore to keep Superman at bay would soon go on to cause him all sorts of problems.

One of the biggest problems would be for us, the readers, as it would usher in the introduction of the long-haired, hipster Lex of the early 90's.

A Friend In Need

• Plot: John Byrne
• Script: Roger Stern
• Pencils: Curt Swan
• Inks: Murphy Anderson
• Letters: Albert DeGuzman
• Colors: Tom Ziuko

While investigating a story, Jimmy Olsen uses his signal watch to alert Superman of what impending disaster.

• A toxic waste spill
• A chemical fire
• A broken down truck

A trick question, as the answer is all of the above.

All of this is kids play for Superman though, and he soon has everything under control. Instead of basking in the glory of another job well done, Superman collapses and can barely speak long enough to ask for Jimmy's help.

Suspecting some sort of kryptonite poisoning, what does Jimmy do?

• Uses a forklift truck to lift Superman and drive him to some underground caves
• Uses a crane to lift Superman to the local lead smelting plant to encase him in lead
• Raids the general store for all of the Reynolds Wrap, and wraps Superman in it

Yes, the fast thinking Jimmy borrows a fork-lift truck from a local warehouse to drive Superman underground.

Luckily for Superman, the local caverns have a high lead ratio and Superman hopes that that will be enough to shield him from the kryptonite poisoning.

Now those of you up on your Superman knowledge know that at this time there was very little kryptonite around. So what's with the sudden onset of kryptonite poisoning?

• The truck that caught fire was filled with synthetic kryptonite, of which Superman caught a lungful of
• Unbeknown to Superman, Metallo was driving the tanker that caught fire
• It was radiation from the explosion of Kryptonite that finally reached the earth after traveling at the speed of light all these years

It's all about the science, as Superman has calculated that with thee distance between Krytpon and Earth, it would be just about now that the radiation would start to hit us. You think that if he would've known about it, that he would've been a little better prepared.

Oh well, whatever doesn't kill us just makes us stronger, right Superman?

Uh oh, it looks like Superman is still feeling a little under the weather.

So just who does Jimmy go to for help now? You'll just have to tune in next time to find out.

That's right, there's still one more story to go, but its late and I'm going to bed. Come back soon for "The Dark Where Madness Lies".

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics

Action Comics #600

TITLE: Action Comics #600

PUBLISHER: DC Comics

COVER DATE: May 1988

COVER PRICE: $2.50

70 pages


WHAT I REMEMBER...

So this book is the official celebration of 50 years of Superman stories in Action Comics! Coincidentally enough, we have the landmark issue Superman #600 coming out this month as well. You gotta love the timing of the Randomizer when it comes to picking the books to review. The skeptics among you might actually think that this whole random thing is a gimmick. Fear not, true believer, as it's all on the up and up.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, and we're in for a real treat. We'll look at the first story from this issue today, and included within we have three firsts here for the Random Longbox.

First, while we've reviewed books by John Byrne before, this is the first time we've looked at his Superman relaunch.

Second, this is the first time that we've been graced with the artwork of George Perez. He did do the cover to The Defenders #51 which we read sometime last year, but it was such an average looking cover that I initially didn't even realize it was drawn by Perez. Rest assured, we're gonna get the good stuff now.

Third, Wonder Woman finally makes an appearance on the blog.

And now that I think of it, we have a fourth first as well. Darkseid is the big baddie in this one, making this his first full (non-Tangent-ized) appearance at the RL.

With all of that said, let's not waste anymore time meandering around a preamble and lets just get to it.

Different Worlds

• Story/Breakdowns: John Byrne
• Finishes: George Perez
• Letters: John Costanza
• Colors: Tom Ziuko
• Assistant Editor: Renee Witterstaetter
• Editor: Mike Carlin

So we have Byrne and Perez teaming up for a story that features the two characters they were instrumental in relaunching post-Crisis, and they don't waste anytime throwing us into the middle of the action...so to speak.

Easy there Superman! It's obvious to us at least, that the lady just isn't all that into you. Unfortunately this is a powered-down post-Crisis, and he apparently left his powers of super-perception back in the silver age.

Luckily for Supes, he finally realizes that maybe Wonder Woman is not quite into the kiss as he is. She explains that she has only been in man's world for a short time, and the feelings and emotions that accompany that come with much trepidation. She acknowledges that she has thought of Superman as something more than friend, but she is going to need some time, as this is their "first date" after all.

It's encouraging to know that even Superman gets shot down on occasion, as that proves there is hope for the rest of us mere mortals.

So they agree to take it slow and easy, when Superman suggests that they go to his place. I'm sure his intentions are entirely innocent, but that doesn't necessarily seem like slow and east too me.

While they're flying to Supes' place, Hermes appears and summons Wonder Woman to Olympus as he is in grave danger.

Sure he is! It's more like Wonder Woman called him off panel and said, "Hermes, you gotta help me out here. This Superman is a real horndog! You gotta appear in front of us and pretend that there's some sort of emergency or something. Athena lost her owl, Zeus stubbed his toe, anything! Just get me outta here!"

So Wonder Woman is summoned to Olympus, but Superman is not ready to let his date slip through his fingers, and he follows her through the wormhole.

I gotta say, no one draws Greek architecture and ruins like George Perez

On Olympus, Superman and Wonder Woman are now separated as each of them gets transported to a different area. Superman is lost in the ruins, as the "up is down, left is right" nature of the place has him at a disadvantage. Wonder Woman, on the other hand, finds Hermes as he explains who has done this to him...Darkseid!

Instead of being worried that Superman and Wonder Woman have mysteriously appeared on Olympus so shortly after he has conquered it, Darkseid sees only opportunity and goes about scheming a plan to capture them as well.

Seeing as how the two heroes are separated, he sends Amazing Grace and Kalibak out to find them, masked as Wonder Woman and Superman respectively. He will take advantage of their confusion to gain the upper hand with his disguised warriors.

Since the real Superman and Wonder Woman have just spent seven pages awkwardly explaining their feelings for each other, they are not so easily fooled by the dopplegangers. It matters little to Darkseid that the deception is uncovered so easily, for that was part of his plan. He has Amazing Grace and Kalibak lead the two heroes to the same spot, so when next they meet they will destroy each other, thinking that they are still being fooled!

And here's where John Byrne and George Perez really get to show off, as they give us three beautiful pages of silent fighting with a grinning Darkseid enjoying the show.

Unfortunately for Darkseid, the player just got played. Superman and Wonder Woman could tell that they were actually fighting each other and used the slobber-knocker as a ruse to search for Darkseid's command center without him catching on.

Breach it they do, but instead of taking the fisticuffs directly to him, they clue him in to something that he has overlooked...Olympus is empty. There are no other gods here, and all he has captured is an empty rock. Conveniently enough, a Parademon captain arrives to confirm their observations.

Olympus is empty.

Realizing that the only victory left is of the scorched earth variety, Darkseid and Desaad disappear into a boom tube as Darkseid activates explosives that he has planted throughout Olympus.

No worries though, as Olympus is eternal and will not be destroyed until the gods themselves wish it to be so.

Back on earth, Superman comes to the realization that the "real" gods just play too rough for him. He is, after all, just a boy from Kansas. The two heroes decide to just be friends from here on out.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN...

There's really only one flaw with this issue, and that's the romantic tension between Superman and Wonder Woman. Maybe it's the fact that twenty years worth of stories with Lois and Clark married have colored my perceptions, but I don't ever remember there being a whole lot of sexual tension between Superman and Wonder Woman before.

I realize that it makes for a great vehicle with which to get Perez and Byrne together on the same story, but the fact that the whole romantic subplot gets introduced and resolved within thirty two pages just seems a little ham-handed to me.

Even with that, I still enjoyed the heck out of this issue as the real draw is seeing George Perez and John Byrne working together. These were two artists at the top of their game, telling stories with two of the most iconic heroes of all time.

With Byrne scripting and doing the breakdowns, it give the comic a fluidity that moves the story along at just the right pace. Add in George Perez, and his unparalled sense of detail and design on finishes, and you have a seriously beautiful story definitely worthy of Superman's golden anniversary.

Follow along here for the next set of stories in the celebration.

All characters and artwork reproduced are (c) DC Comics